You like a firm mattress. He prefers a pillowtop. You keep your own share of the comforter. It is a zero-sum game as she monopolizes it. These and other nighttime disturbances or sleep differences could be a reason to seek a sleep divorce.
What is a Sleep Divorce?
It is not as dramatic as you might think. Sleep Divorce simply means that you have agreed to separate sleeping spaces in order to get deeper and more healthy sleep. It’s quite common. Our research shows that more than 25% of couples are choosing this arrangement. Some couples might prefer to sleep in separate rooms, while others may choose to share a bed in a single room. Others will opt for sleeping in multiple rooms in order to maximize their 40 winks.
Isn’t That a Little Too Far?
Think Lucy Ricardo and Ricky Ricardo were confined to matching twin beds by strict network television censorship? You might be wrong. You might be surprised to learn that separate beds were popular in the 1960s. It may seem strange that this is the case, considering that before modern times, entire families and their livestock used to sleep in one spot to keep warm and save space. Whatever worked best seemed to be the rule of thumb in all eras.
Danger: Snoring May Cause Separation
Do you think that your love will be enough to get you through the night? Research shows that healthy sleep can lead to negative effects over time. Paracelsus Private Medical University, Nuremberg, Germany 2016 found that relationship problems and sleep issues often occur simultaneously. One person’s chainsaw snoring will not be forgotten or forgiven the next day. Even small incompatibilities, such as mismatched schedules or temperature preferences, can lead to resentment that can cause conflict.
Quality, Good Sleep Matters
This animosity is not unfounded. To be our best, we all need to get good sleep. Deep, restorative sleep can be crucial for both short-term and longer-term health. Sleeping well at night promotes healthy cognitive function and immunity. It is possible to have a variety of health problems without it. Bad sleep habits and sleep deprivation can cause a lowered immunity, depression, diabetes, and heart disease.
Going to Sleep Splitsville
It doesn’t matter what decision you make, it is important that both of you are happy and respected. These are some tips to help you break up a relationship in the bedroom.
- Make time to talk with your partner in a loving and sincere way.
- You can avoid feeling rejected by creating opportunities for intimacy and connection that are not nocturnal.
- Your rooms and beds should be open for visitors.
- When you aren’t working or under other pressures, schedule nights together.
The Bottom Line
Consider taking small steps if you are still on the fence.
- Your room should be a sanctuary without distractions such as TV, cell phones, or work.
- Sleep masks and earplugs can help reduce snoring. You can also use a white noise machine or fan to help.
- There are simple steps to help you find the mattress you want.
- Even though you might be sharing your bed every night, asleep separation shouldn’t affect your sex life. Keep your relationship alive by making time for intimacy with your partner.
- Perhaps most important, plan your bedtimes so that you get the recommended 7-8 hours of sleep per night for adults.
These small changes can have big effects.